SIGNPOSTS
Know Your Limits
by Martha Collard
Life's difficult, there's no denying it. But how we respond is key. It's up to you.
As an executive coach, I often use the Myers Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI), the most widely used personality profiler in the world, now available in many languages and formats.
Our MBTI type is our preferred way of being. We are born with preferences - for example, dexterity.
Try this: take your pen and sign your name. Now do it with the other hand. How does it feel? You have the ability to write with the other, but your preference is to use your regular one.
When we're under stress, our first response is to revert to our "preferred state" or "default mode". Normally it works. Under stress, our first response is to do more of it, and the result is not always what we expect.
For instance, one of my clients is a high-achieving, gregarious senior executive who is detail-oriented, highly principled and always gets the job done. Stressors for him include not being in control of his own schedule, working in a disorganised environment, unclear project parameters and frequent interruptions.
Gradually, he had become more dominant, dictatorial and critical in his dealings with subordinates. "Just do it" or "Don't ask" were common utterances. He became less flexible and was unwilling to consider alternatives. When unexpected delays occurred, he would lose his temper.
Over time his productivity suffered, the morale of his team began to slide and his relationships with subordinates, peers and family became fragile. Those around him dared not make a mistake. As a result, he took even more on his shoulders, delegated less, became hypersensitive and eventually turned his criticism onto himself and began to avoid social engagements. Sometimes in private, this rock of an executive would even break down in tears.
In MBTI jargon, this is called an "in the grip" experience. The situation around you no longer allows you to operate in your default mode - to the point where your coping mechanism fails and you simply shut down. Fortunately, he learned the implications of his personality type.
By knowing his type, he recognised the optimum conditions for him to operate within his preferences. He derived energy from working and leading others, working in a predictable and logical environment with well defined performance measures that rewarded closure on projects and tasks. He identified stressors he could control by establishing boundaries. One example was e-mails and interruptions.
He chose to respond to e-mails only three times per day rather than every time one popped up on the screen. He had a "no interruption" period from 8am to 10am each morning for serious thinking and planning and asked his associates to respect it. An extrovert, he has endless supplies of energy that need an outlet. He made a point of walking for 15 minutes mid-morning and afternoon, and of taking more vigorous exercise three days a week and at weekends.
An extrovert processes things by talking rather than thinking quietly by themselves, so another of his coping strategies was to solicit support by talking to trusted friends and family. This allowed him to change points of view and identify strategies for confronting issues. Lastly, he shared his type with some fellow colleagues who could look for signs of him being in the grip and who had his permission to intervene by suggesting a walk or talk.
Other tools are also available to help you identify your values, drivers, motivators, responses to conflict, influencing styles, learning styles, skills and abilities. The more you know what makes you who you are, the better you will be at communicating, influencing and leading others, working effectively in teams, understanding your impact on others and identifying your optimum working environment. Self-awareness offers you the choice to respond rather than react. What will you choose?
Martha Collard is co-founder of Red Doors-Unlocking Futures and is a member of the Hong Kong International Coaching Community (info@coachinghk.org).
