‘Listening For’ – A Coaching Distinction
Rick Fullerton, Ph.D., Professional Coach
Adapted by Carole Lewis from: http://coaching.gc.ca/practices/listening_for_e.asp
Consider what normally occurs as you listen to someone else speak. If you are like most people, you have a continuous narrative running inside you. I call this my 'little voice'. When I am in a typical conversation when others are speaking, my little voice gives me a steady stream of messages like "I really like that outfit"; "Nice idea"; "She seems very confident"; "He missed my point"; "I wonder where this discussion is leading"; "I must remember to pick up the kids"; "I'm bored"; and so on. In a similar vein, perhaps you have assessments, questions, or random thoughts crossing your mind at the same time as you are looking at the words on this page or computer screen? If so, you will recognize that the same thing happens as we read – at least some of the time. Unless we have taken advanced training, most of us are unable to stop the 'little voice' - it just continues its commentary on what's happening.
At other times I am so engaged in what another person is saying that I seem to forget who I am or where we are. An inspiring speaker can have such an effect. A similar experience may be found in a crisis or under conditions of great teamwork, when we are intensely wrapped up in what is going on. When this happens, we might say we are 'in the zone' or 'going with the flow', we lose ourselves and become one with what is happening. In cases like this, the little voice disappears and in those moments, listening and speaking disappear as well – in the sense that we are not aware of listening; we are not conscious of choosing what to say or how to listen.
Both these types of listening experiences are natural and serve us well in many situations. Yet as leaders and coaches, we can listen a third way – a powerful way that is not driven by circumstances or what others do. Let me give you a few examples:
- When you go to a telephone book to look up someone's number, you concentrate only on information that helps you quickly find the number you need.
- When you call a friend who has been sick, you pay attention to clues for how their recovery is progressing.
- When you watch a game (such as football or hockey), you search for patterns or plays that could be exploited to a team's advantage
- When you garden, you notice signs of trouble in the appearance of the plants leaves, soil, and insects
So what do these examples have in common, and how do they relate to the practice of listening? In each case, what we pay attention to is function of the outcome we want – a quick telephone call, our friend's health, a winning team, or a great garden. What we may not realize is that the same approach can be effectively applied to the 'listening' we do as leaders and coaches. Instead of simply paying attention to whatever comes out of the mouths of others, we can choose to 'listen for' those things that will serve our commitments. This is the way we listen when we are being truly responsible – and when we are committed to the commitments of others. Some of you may recall that in my first submission, I also talked about how as a coach and leader, I am committed to the possibility I see in the other person. This means that when I listen, I am 'listening for' things that can serve this commitment. In doing this, I also listen for what is missing, what is not present. Here are some ideas about what you might listen for as a leader or coach:
- What is this person committed to?
- What relationships support / does not support their commitment?
- What does the person see / not see?
- What possibilities does the person see / not see?
- What requests or promises are being made / not made?
- What structures or resources support implementation?
- What is getting in the way? Where is the person stuck?
The list could go on, however, I am sure you have the idea by now. The main message here is that as a coach and leader, you are not serving the interests of others best by simply being attentive and trying to absorb whatever they say. Neither is committed listening assured by paraphrasing, summarizing, or feeding back what you hear. While these are effective listening skills, they are not sufficient for those leaders and coaches wishing to support others in achieving breakthroughs. To do that requires the added capability to 'listen for' those particular things that will make it possible to meet your commitment, and the commitments of those you serve.
Like many other leadership and coaching capabilities, committed listening does not represent new or difficult behaviours that must be mastered. Rather, virtually everyone is able to, and often does, 'listen for' particular things when engaged in conversation. What sets a coach or leader apart is the ability to consistently listen for those things that will move the action forward and serve to accomplish great results.
As you meet and talk with others, you can increase your skill in 'listening for' particular things. First, you might just pay attention to your listening, as a way to increase your awareness. You probably will notice that you already have a natural 'listening for' certain things. For example, I typically listen for connections people have with Nova Scotia, my home province. Others listen for common interests – children, golf, canoeing, drinking, books, cooking. At work we are trained to listen for allies and supporters, political views, feelings, and so on. As a leader/coach, your next step is to refine your 'listening for' those things central to the coaching process. As you do this and become more proficient in 'listening for' you will be able to more effectively introduce this distinction to others so they can practice it effectively themselves.
