What is grief, and how do we coach it?
Grief simply is the expression of loss. It can be triggered by any number of things: the death of a loved one, a natural disaster, sudden unemployment, or sometimes the less obvious things like disappointment in a child’s choices, an unfulfilled relationship, a closed door on the way to a dream. However grief is triggered it is valid and something that we must give attention to. Everyone expresses grief in different ways and it is important to allow that process in order to move forward.
As a coach I am given the privilege of journeying along with people as they make changes in their lives, I can’t imagine a better way to make a living, I am motivated and inspired all the time by this work. It is so exciting to witness an individual accomplish their dreams/goals.
Along the way to their dreams, people sometimes run into obstacles; life is like that. We can plan and plan, but sometimes something happens that will steer the plan off course. How do you coach someone who has run into one of these obstacles that changes the course of their lives, and causes grief to arise?
Coaching is about being proactive and forward focused without a doubt, but we do our clients a disservice if we do not stop to honor the feelings that come with some of life’s unexpected occurrences. I am not talking about therapy, where we analyze the why and how of things. I am talking about taking time to process the feelings that come up in life. Encouraging one to feel all of the feelings, without labeling them as ‘good’ or ‘bad’ but rather just allowing their existence, is how I support my coaching clients.
The loss of a dream, or change in direction is something that is important to discuss in coaching, giving clients the time to process through the feelings, to feel the grief, allows them to embrace the new dream/goal with a clean slate. Too often coaches rush clients through to the end result without making room for the grief that is often inevitable with the change of circumstances.
Some of the questions I like to ask my clients when they are dealing with this situation include:
- What is it that you miss right now?
- How willing are you to feel the feelings that are up?
- What dream/disappointment are you holding onto right now?
- How is that keeping you stuck?
- Now that this door is closed, what else is possible for you?
Often part of the process is supporting the client in reworking the dream so that it fits with the current situation. Now that they have recognized the loss, and felt the feelings what do they want to do now? It is important to encourage clients to move forward, and as coaches that is our job, but not at the expense of glossing over our clients feelings.
Processing grief allows clients to move past the loss, and focus forward. Too often coaches gloss over feelings, let’s not be afraid to talk about feelings, feelings do not mean therapy, they are a natural part of life and allowing space for them in coaching will often free the client up to move forward to the life they are longing to live.
Sheri Petersen is a Certified Life Coach who trained with Rhonda Britten's Fearless Living Institute. Sheri brings a diverse professional and personal experience to her coaching practice. Starting her career as a youth worker, providing support and encouragement to young people has given Sheri a foundation for future work with individuals and groups of all kinds. She earned her Master of Arts degree, and worked for 15 years in the world of non-profit. Here she managed and trained staff as well as facilitated educational and support groups for individuals with cognitive delays, families and professionals. Currently Sheri is a successful Personal Life Coach, her professional and life experience allow her to provide an atmosphere of compassion, support and trust for her clients.
www.SheriPetersen.com
http://notafraid2sayit.blogspot.com
