Magnify Coaching Skills - The Coaching Relationship
By James Gehrke
Robert Hargrove defines coaching as a conversation in which you (the coach) are burning with intention to have impact. It is a conversation where you are speaking and listening from a total commitment to cause that person's success (Hargrove, p. 66). Demonstrating commitment to the individual is a hallmark of excellent coaches.
All of us can look back with gratitude to the coaches who have had deep impact on our lifes, not only because they helped us learn a new skill or behavior, but because we felt their total commitment to our success. It is essential that coaches demonstrate commitment to those they coach in order to engender that same burning feeling of commitment and desire for improvement. Excellent coaches demonstrate this commitment by; preparing, expressing commitment, listening, and challenging the individual in ways that stimulate new awareness and growth.
A coach prepares on two levels. First, a coach must prepare himself. When we look back at the great coaches who have impacted our lifes we remember those who showed a deep commitment to excellence and did not accept mediocrity in us or themselves. They also had a clear teachable point of view. They had identified within themselves a standard to live by and were enthusiastic to help others discover their own standards and strengths. Great coaches must prepare by identifying within themselves their own teachable points of view. As Richard Leider states, “A key to courageous leadership is to address the question of ‘who we are’ before the question of ‘what we do’” (Goldsmith and Lyons, p. 60). Second, the coach must clearly identify the needs of the individual being coached and prepare herself to fully understand and met those needs.
Frequently expressing commitment and belief in the individual being coached creates a shared commitment and purpose between the coach and the “coachee”. If we think back to the coaches who have had the greatest impact in our lifes we remember that we never doubted their belief in us, because they were never hesitate to express that belief to us in word and dead. This in turn, made us believe all the more in ourselves!
A person who does all the talking does not demonstrate empathy or interest in the thoughts, feelings and needs of the individual being coached. Asking and listening expands understanding and demonstrates real interest in and commitment on the part of the coach.
Lastly, great coaches challenge individuals to stretch themselves beyond what they thought was possible. None of us look back to the great coach in our lifes and think, “she was great; she believed in me, she listened to me, but she didn’t make me stretch and grow”. The purpose of the coach must be to help the individual reach new heights, which they could not have achieved without their help. Otherwise, why coach? A great coach must do this even when he may think it may jeopardize the relationship. In seminars I have facilitated, I often ask if coaching is avoided, and if so, why. Most all participants tell me that they avoid coaching because they fear the reactions, the emotions, and the confrontations which may result by addressing difficult issues. If coaching were only listening and giving positive feedback and encouragement, it would be much easier.
Because coaching eventually deals with difficult situations and issues in order to help people make true improvement, it is difficult. Because it is difficult, coaches are often shy about addressing difficult issues. However, effective coaching doesn’t begin until these issues are addressed and real stretch and effort begins on the part of the “coachee”. This is what makes people look back years later and remember the coach they demonstrated commitment by helping them with the toughest issues.
References:
Hargrove, R.A., (2003). Masterful coaching. San Francisco: Jossey-Bass/Pfeiffer.
Marshall, G. and Lyons, L (2006). Coaching for leadership: The practice of leadership coaching from the world’s greatest coaches. San Francisco: Pfeiffer.
James Gehrke is the President of Magnify Leadership and Development.
After various promotions in Sales, Sales Operations, Training & Development, and Sales Management and Training, he headed Pfizer’s Learning & Development for all of Europe, Canada, Africa, & the Middle East where he was instrumental in the development of a global management curriculum and other training initiatives to enhance organizational effectiveness for over 30,000 employees. He has worked on many high levels, cross functional teams addressing issues such as Field Force Effectiveness, Change Leadership, Leader Behavior Development, Executive Coaching and many others.
Since starting his own training company, James has developed and trained both public and private leadership, coaching, targeting and territory management sessions for hundreds of participants in various industries. James is bilingual and can teach in both English and Spanish http://www.magnifyleadership.com
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