If you search for “appreciation” on the Internet, there are countless advice on how to show appreciation.

But that presuppose that a person already has that feeling of appreciation. I would posit that showing appreciation is one thing, and feeling it, is quite another. So what if the person cannot access or connect with that feeling of appreciation?

This is possible, and it does exit in the sense that for some of us, our conditioning has not aid our development of those emotions or attitudes related to appreciation. Let me use myself as an example to illustrate the point, and offer one possible way forward, especially for those who are more cerebral.

Having grown up in relatively traditional Chinese family setting, I was well conditioned from an early age to be critical. In fact, it sharpened my mind for critical thinking and analysis in the workplace. So this critical-ness has in a way served me well.

At the same time, it was a bit over-developed! Now, if I get to do my earlier years all over again, I would choose less conflict with myself by using that same critical-ness, but rather than finding things wrong, I’d also train myself to spot things to appreciate.

There’s no need to reject any part of ourselves, as that would create conflict, which only makes us good at having internal arguments. In any case, to get “there,” we have to start “here” right where we’re at, and with what we have. So…

…Now when I start getting critical about how something turned out, I get curious and activate my imagination with:

“What is it that you are resisting?” (Usually I get no immediate answer).

“And by the way, there is probably an incalculable number of alternatives for how this situation could have turned out.”

That always kick starts my imagination to play out how such and such could have also gone wrong. I realize that every single aspect of a situation is a variable that may well have been different, inter- or exchanged for something else worse, which would definitely have left me with a much bigger challenge or dilemma.

Usually before even the first alternative scenario is finished playing out in my mind, I am already quickly rolling my mind back to the present situation. By then, I’m well grounded in feelings of acceptance and thankfulness.

Oh, this does pre-suppose that the person is prepared to loosen their mental grip AND let go of wishing that the situation be different. And that would be a topic for another day.

Meanwhile, if you argue that things could also have been better, and I could have taken my imagination down that direction as well. Yes, I could, but what is the point? If I follow this line of thinking, I’d end up right back on the old path of being critical.

So this IS actually a very critical juncture (pun intended) where you either split off to explore what’s along the “appreciation” path, or take the well-treaded path.

The views at the end are very different though…

Denise Wong’s coaching takes individuals beyond their intellect, to connect with themselves to understand their own “inner realities” as the real cause to life situations or job performance effectiveness, so that they can begin to move into the “director” seat and feel a greater sense direction and purpose. Denise cares about lighting up ourselves first, so as to light up others around us.

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